I still love her...do you think I should throw a bottle at her head?

Break-Up Coach
The title of this post comes from a line delivered outside a party by a friend of mine, about his ex-girlfriend.
I spent a considerable amount of time in my life thinking that going through a break-up was no big deal. I have actually argued this point to friends, that people should be able to just flip a switch, and be done with it.
Then I actually went through a break-up. Good God that is not a pleasant experience. I don't wish it on anyone, though I do recognize that it is a necessary evil. However, the logic "it's for the best" isn't much consolation when you can't eat/ can't stop eating and you feel like you'd just rather die. Like it isn't going to stop. At my worst, I would have paid for this idea. Probably a lot of money.
The break-up coach would combine a lot of different roles including therapist, best friend, social coordinator, chef, life-coach, personal trainer, etc. They'd have to be attractive. And they'd have to be really skilled at not letting you get attached. I don't anticipate this being an easy job, but that's why it would pay so much. I think I had a different person filling each of these roles (minus the life coach, I didn't really need that). Sometimes it was multiple people in multiple roles. Confusing! This is why we need to simplify it into one job. One easy phone number to call when you're on the verge of making a mix tape and leaving it on the doorstep of your ex. Instead, your break-up coach would cook you dinner, make you go to the gym, and then take you to a party.
After writing this, I feel like it's weird, so maybe it isn't the best idea. But you can't tell me someone wouldn't take advantage of this!