Betting Lines for Porn

I'll be upfront with you. This might be the longest post ever. Anyway, I met Luis a few years ago, but I don't think our friendship really blossomed until we discovered that we share the same vices. Those being porn and gambling. We also were big fans of wrestling in our youth, and some of that nostalgic affection has carried over into adult life. Furthermore, we share an unhealthy obsession with the A's.The bond was pretty much instant.

The only thing we really differ on is our football allegiances, but so far we've been able to avoid any bloodshed.

On to the post! Be warned, dear reader, this one is not for the faint of heart. It deals with adult situations you may or may not be aware of. I want to also take the opportunity to give some guidance on how an over/under bet works (referenced extensively in the post. Basically, the casino (Luis in this case) sets a number. Your job is to guess whether or not the identified activity (total points, number of free throws, etc) will exceed or fall short of that number. Make sense? I hope so!

The last few years of my life have been full of change and incredible growth as a person inside and out. I have been to new places, met new people and learned new things. It almost feels like I have become a completely different person than the one I was 5 years ago. However, over this time there have been two constants in my life that I cannot get rid of: porn and sports betting.

Being the efficient man that I am, I have always wondered what it would be like to combine my two favorite things in the world. I think it would look a little something like this….

These are just some of the potential lines that could appear when watching a movie. The only bad part of betting on porn is that you can’t watch and wager with your friends. I mean, you can, but it gets a little bit uncomfortable to give each other a high five once your particular wager covers. I would recommend a possible scenario where you make your bets with your friend (who lives across the country because just the thought of actually watching the same disc as your friend is kind of creepy) and then each watch the movie. This could become bigger than the NCAA basketball tournament…or as failed as the XFL. Enjoy!

Women Who Take Off Their Shirt and Have No Bra On (Over/Under 2.5)

I have always found this curious in porn movies; if they are trying to make the movie somewhat believable shouldn’t they try to make the women be in somewhat real situations? How often do real women really walk around with no bra on? Maybe 10% of the time? I think there needs to be a movement where every woman in porn is wearing a bra BEFORE they get naked. I don’t even care if it is the fake kind of underwear that is made with less material than a straw wrapper. At least it’s something.

Time You Actually Watch Movie in Real Time (Over/Under 30 minutes)

I have always found getting porn in a hotel room fascinating. Why would anyone do it? You are paying $9.95 for a movie that you cannot fast forward and can only watch once. Who does that with porn? Isn’t the standard to: 1) pop in a movie 2) watch the first 5 minutes and realize you don’t care about the actors 3) fast forward to the first sex scene 4) realize you don’t like the people 5) keep fast forwarding until you find a decent scene 6) start doing your business 7) finish 35 seconds later 8) immediately eject the movie 9) regret the time you wasted….I mean I am 99% sure that most guys do this. It is just the way things are.

Scenes That Look Like Something You Have Actually Experienced (Over/Under 1.5)

I think I know why there are so many unsatisfied women and disenchanted men in our country. Porn lies. I am not talking about the obvious fact that the pizza delivery woman is going to come over and accept sex as payment or the possibility that you are in charge of cleaning the gym at a college and you stumble across four girls exploring one another in the showers. I am talking about the actual sex that you see on the screen. How often do you see the guy slap the girl’s ass? I would guess a lot, however I would not recommend it in real life. They don’t like it. So many guys are young virgins who watch porn and think that when they finally get a woman they are going to kiss her twice, pull her panties to the side, make her orgasm in 2 minutes, and then finish on her face the first time they are together. Unfortunately, it does not actually happen that way. In fact you usually get yelled at the first time you ask for sex, so it is a constant uphill battle.