Moon Unit

This is fantastical. I really really love the moon. And weird things happen when the moon is out in its variety of shapes, sizes and lightnesses. I would like someone to quantify that for me. Specifically I would like some form of spectrometer that could gauge whatever way it is we discover to judge the crazifying effects of the moon. So, say the moon has some special mix between gravity and luminosity that we can say reaches its crazifying peek on blue moons (second full moon in a month) or on harvest moons when it is closer and appears bigger at the horizon. So say that we figure out some way of indexing that. And maybe the science gets a little shaky here, but if we have to we can just say "given: people act weird at specific times that sometimes correspond with the moon (ie average craziness rises) and given: the moon is both a certain amount luminous (x) and has a certain amount of gravitational pull (y) (both of which by the way, science should be able to give me some numbers on), therefore: we can create some device that reads the input of the moon's gravitational pull and its luminosity at any give point and outputs a number that gives us some sense of the likelihood of crazification at that particular moment."

That is what I would like. I just want to see some hard data on it. I would prefer that I could get some hand held device that could do this. It isn't that I want this pinned down and definitive. But I sort of want it like 1800's pseudo-science. Because it won't work. But there is something. And this is something.

Ideally I would like there to be some device that actually harnesses whatever if is that is so mysterious about the moon. But I'm giving science this task first. Once they get me this, we'll talk about potential death rays or moon powered something or others.