The Rise and Shine Machine

I already invented this. So you can thank me for that. Now I suppose the only issues left are perfection and mass marketification. And away we go...

I fucking hate alarm clocks. Everybody does. If you don't...shut up. Cause you do. They are awful, foul creatures that lurk at the edge of your dreams just waiting to startle you away from the best parts of dream content. Hate them. The innovations in this field have been okay, but bothersomely slow and difficult to get into use. CD alarm clocks are fine for the most part until you realize that they have destroyed your love for any given song just by waking you up to it. Those incremental light alarms are neat in theory, but like, I don't want a bunch of light shining in my eyes and lord knows I can still sleep through that.

The key is a fluctuating noise set. Something that is not repeatable, organic and never precisely the same such that you can lock your memory into hating it. I use my coffee pot. The trickling water and burbling steam always make slightly different noises. They wake me up calmly and slowly and they don't ever sound quite the same. Of course you have to have a coffee maker with a built in timer to get this effect. And you have to keep your coffee pot pretty close to your bed. In terms of the mass market I still like the idea of water. I think it is generally perceived as calmly and it is easily manipulated into making a variety of noises. For me the key isn't necessarily that the water sounds get me up and moving but that they bring me out of my heaviest sleep calmly so that when the actual piercing shriek of my alarm finally does go off I am already sort of aware and can quickly kill it. If I'm really good I can shut off my alarm before its time. Which is seriously sometimes enough to wake me up.

So anyways. Both an easy right-now option and a potential invention that could make use of the concept. Happy waking!