Spin Up

How is JJ Abrams not doing this right this minute? Or is he?

Spin off that people don't know is a spin off. Seriously, listen up.

I suppose you can only do this once, but what happens is (and don't tell anybody) on series that has a lot of crazy mysteries, or that at least has some big unknowns gets a spin off. Only nobody tells anybody that it is a spin off.

And like slowly things start to get revealed on show two that make it seems eerily reminiscent of show one. But only really vaguely so that maybe you get the sense that they are similar types of shows or share some sort of similar sense of how the world works.

And then boom, you realize that actually the whole time you've been watching the other half of this other show and the two just come together in some big epic combination that fleshes both out through their combination.

Obviously this would have to be done with such artistry and skill that no one could figure out that that was what was going on. And secondly it'd have to be such a good combination of the two that it was worthwhile for them to be brought together. EG they would have to use the fact that they were two different shows in such a way that one show simply couldn't have achieved the same thing. Which is how it would go from being a trick to being something actually interesting and value as concerns the basic medium.

The other problem obviously is how to get people to watch both shows without telling them that they need to be watching both shows. But with people like Joss Whedon or JJ Abrams fans tend to follow them from show to show. And one could assume that this could go on for seasons without revealing the two shows being the connected such that you could wait until both had a huge fan base and even work to make sure it was a very similar fan base. Appealing to the same sets of people and what not.

Emmy please.

Video Chat World

This is a call back to the very first post about sidelining chats. (I'm on a role with internet themed posts that I soon hope to stop.) But it is about video chats. Group video chats.

Firstly I want there to be group video chats in which (in interesting ways) you get to see many people who are all talking to you live. Perhaps this exists, perhaps not. I don't really care.

But once we have that, I want to be able to have sidebar conversations like you could have in real life, leaning to your side and whispering something funny to your neighbor. But you could actually do it over a separate channel. Like the group you would go on pause and you could say something just to one or two people and then come back to the group (meanwhile still hearing the main group).

Just think of this as a way to recreate a meeting type situation over video chat. But one that uses some of the capabilities of the internet (the fact that you aren't actually in a space that defines who your 'neighbors' in a discussion are).

Yes!

Rental Aide

I am no fan of the rental lease. I'm a man on the go, a nomad in training and not capable of committing to stationary location for six months, god forbid an entire year. And so I very much dislike signing into these contracts that I'm quite likely to break.

I'm proposing a League of Concerned Citizens Regarding Rental Agreements and Assistance. Perhaps the community could decide that they want to support people who are kind enough to establish a residence for the unable to purchase their own. As in the city can help there be a certain number of rentals out there (they do that already kind of). But this could include a bit of insurance as to the people living or not living there. That is, the city could say, don't make anyone sign into a contract, but we'll be there to kick in if nobody wants to live in your place no more.

I see as a benefit of this that the city could peep in on the places up for rent that they're subsidizing and say 'hey, no wonder nobody wants to crappy place. fix it or we ain't helping pay for it no more'. That and renting peoples like me wouldn't be forced to stay in a place if they don't want to. I don't know what will happen a year from now. Or tomorrow. And I don't wanna be in locationally binding contracts. See?

I suppose the converse should be protected to tho. If I don't wanna leave I shouldn't be allowed to be thrown out or have the rent jacked up on me cause it's a hot property. This same city run agency can watch over that too. Somehow all without contracts.

Right? Right.

Friend Match Game

Novel and throw-away in a sense.

I find out of the blue self-denigration is still my favourite way to start posts.

You know how chat has multiple people features? Not chat rooms, but invitation group chatting. Maybe if you saw someone sign on that you wanted to talk to and another friend sign on as well (and the two don't know each other) you could introduce them and chat with them both. Maybe they'd get along. And what better way to facilitate a first meeting? (I mean, clearly there are other and better ways, but why not go with what the internet has to offer, which is after all something.)

I mean this is sort of the starting charge that something like a Facebook needs. Obviously if you go to a party and meet a person you can hit them up on FB, but what if you just see their profile and think they're cool. Then asking them to be your friend without meeting first is just weird.

Maybe this could include a whole introduction card system. You could say 'hey friend, your friend seems cool. i'd like to be their friend too, can you give me an intro?' This could even be an official thing like an old fashioned letter of introduction that could come appended to your friend request. Or it could be an introductory chatting session.

Cause social networks are a tool, but fairly under developed ones in a lot of ways. Perhaps I should have titled this: Taking Social Networking (Far Too) Seriously.

Choose your own adv....THIS IS AMAZING!

The internet. It's a powerful tool. One that allows us glimpses into worlds beyond and regions untouched. And yet no one has used it to fully explore the wonder that is Choose Your Own Adventure.

I'm talking a CYOA with lights and sounds and pictures and 4,000 alternate endings created by users. Fan fiction meets wikipedia meets online comic book meets fucking awesome. A world where every choice takes you someplace new and someplace new after that and everything is always evolving.

I KNOW this could work and could be insanely popular (amongst nerds).

I know video games are allowing users a lot more creative control...but this seems so different somehow. Nothing would need to be contained. And the user edit features would help to ensure everything stayed canoninical. Or as canon-like as the people wanted.

PS: I think it makes sense to start giving our posts more exciting titles. Studies show it increases readership by 900%.

Manage your Communication

I've tried this idea here and for myself in a number of different ways. The idea is simply to set up some sort of regiment for yourself attempting to contact or otherwise communicate with people who want to communicate with but tend to have trouble getting in touch with (through laziness, apathy, antipathy, business or any other reason).

Overarching idea is simply to set up some sort of regiment for contacting these people. Weekly, daily, bi-weekly, semi-weekly, monthly, quarterly. Just pick one. Pick a system also. Letters would be neat. Phones are probably the best. Email and social networking probably are the easiest at this point. Pick who to write to. You could go onto your social network of choice and look for the least recently updated person that you're friends with and write them. You could make a special list of people you might actually want to talk to and systematically work your way through it.

But I guess most of all, just start. It's a lonely world and people like hearing from their friends. So just go for it.

Tiny Vintage

I was at a wine tasting the other night (no I didn't drink straight for the bottle, yes winos can show class on occasion as well - thank you Nate&Ali and Shwin) and the guy was talking about the particularities of terroir and how vintners will take their special grapes and make reserve wines that are def better than the swill they normally sell us. Soo...

If they're already able to tell which grapes are going to be the best, they should make super limited reserve wines with those ones. Like, every winery should do this. I'm talking like max 100 bottles, maybe even like 25, maybe even 10. And this micro-reverse would be simply an attempt to make the best possible wine with the best possible grapes. And don't even sell that shit. Or like sell just a few. Maybe they do this already, but I think it should totally happen and that I should get in on whatever party it is that they decide to come together and crack those bottles open to share.

Gimme.

Do the opposite night

Perhaps people can be put in to one of two categories:

(1) Go outters
(2) Stay inners

The reality is that most of us slip between the two groups like some sort of social ninja according to how the mood/weather/activities strike us. But then there are those that definitely slide one way or the other. And so if you have leanings to one side I propose you do this:

Pick the other one.

If you like to go out and club it up right then make a point to stay home one night, eat pizza and ice cream and watch movies. And turn your phone off. No going out for one drink. You're in for the evening and that's that.

And if you normally like staying in, you have to go out to a bar/ club with dancing and you have to talk to people. And dress the part.

And just see how it all goes. This is just a way to force a little perspective on yourself.

Babies

I'll understand when this seems strange to people. I'd like, someday a very long time from now, to have babies. And it seems to me, that since the medical science is there, I might as well know if I'm capable of doing so. Or whether I'll encounter any trouble if/when I/we decide to do so. It just seems to me, that even tho this is still a long way off, if something were not possible I'd probably want to know that now instead of when I actually want the little things. Just seems odd that we all wait on finding this sort of thing out, like we want not to think about it until we have to. But for a lot of people that sort of news is devastating. And I'll bet in a large part because they've just stumbled along in their life thinking they'd just say and when and there you have it.

So why not, as part of yearly or so physical, get that stuff tested. Perhaps you'd even see patterns of increased or decreased likelihood of fertility and could sort of anticipate a time at which time is getting slim. Perhaps it seems odd to think about these things at all. But I sort of feel like with all the bizarre chemicals in the air and laptops on our laps (indeed, right now as I type) that such abilities may be becoming embattled or endangered. And you know, why not have more information?

And if it isn't your lot you have plenty of time to concern yourself otherwise. Just seems like a mistake to run ahead assuming and place such great importance on something you know nothing about.

But still...a long long long time from now.

Sretchable Paper

Everything I'm about to say would make so much more sense to be a computer program (and I'd like that too), but it would be just that much cooler if it could be made in a physical, analog format. Here goes:

Paper that you can stretch, expand, shrink or otherwise modify in the now famous iPod pinch type of way. So I take notes in a funny way, sort of like a brain storm by a 2nd grader. Part of the theory is that you can make connections that are logical rather than temporal. Problem is you run out of space or you go one way with the notes and can't connect them back to the others. With this paper you could expand more room on the sheet right where you need it.

I'm imagining some kind of (I'm sure toxic and earth-destroying) plasticy substance not unlike a combination of silly putty or pizza dough. But obviously you can write on it. And when you stretch a specific part you can do it with such acuity that you don't actually change the shape of the other writing. Similarly you could potentially shrink a given bit of text with the right type of pinch motion such that it kept its original balance of dimensions.

I understand that I am asking for a lot. And I know that seriously a computer program that could do this could do it much better and much more usefully (so somebody get on that). But again, how neat would a piece of paper that could do this be? And maybe the shape would get all weird like pizza dough too. And when you're done with your notes or whatever, you can make it into whatever shape you want at the edges.

Seriously. This is a keeper.

Oats Sown

I've always found it incredibly odd that tradition feels the need to make a point of the end of bachelorial freedom. I'm not sure I get why there is this 'last night as a free man' thing that goes on before dudes are married. It certainly doesn't match with my own experience of couple's life and as far as I can tell it doesn't seem to have been an issue for any of my friends either. It's like, you're in a relationship because you want to be and you're already in it wholeheartedly before you decided to wed. I'll diagnose all of this as a changing world in which we're more and more inclined to make these decision for ourselves with the stamp of religious, political or societal approval. That said, let's have an idea.

Perhaps people who do feel the need to roam about should plan ahead a little. I'm suggesting a conscious period of wandering about in the romantic realms (works for both girls and boys). Partially I'm taking a cue from a friend of mine who seems to have had no interest in pursuing relationships at all. As opposed to assuming this is about attachment issues, perhaps it is just a willful experiencing of the romantic w/o the commitment side. And perhaps that's healthy. Perhaps that allows peeps to enter more contentedly into serious commitments. Which, yay. Seriously judging by divorce rates people need to figure out how to come into relationships more contented and ready for the long haul. I won't launch into a diatribe about people working harder to make things work once they are there. I'll save that for another day.

Living local

I'm reading this book about what it might be like if you really tried to cut the petroleum out of your food chain by having your own garden and getting anything you couldn't grow yourself from farmers/ranchers/mills near by. Lots of people (see Michael Pollan, Carlo Petrini, etc.) talk about the horrors of the military industrial food complex, but I think it would be really eye-opening if nothing else for people to do this eating local experiment for themselves.

And when I say eating local, I mean ALL local - everything from your oranges to your chicken to your walnuts to your oats, olive oil. There will obviously be things you can't eat for as long as you're running your experiment, but - and this is where I feel like I'm having a slightly newish idea - if everyone did this, you could start to see differences in regional cuisines again. There would be pluses like everything being in season and probably mostly home made (which is a plus for me, at least), but, beyond that, I think it would be more exciting to travel, if things weren't always the same everywhere you went.

It would be like taking the idea that baguettes are better in France up a notch because maybe they'd only exist in France. Maybe you'd have to come up with your own bread shape or regional dishes that worked for your climate and lifestyle. You could get excited about food again, because it would be challenging and new. And, if you grew it, it would be a lot more personal and meaningful.

And finally, if we were able to save all that oil that we pour on our fields to produce states and states-worth of corn and soy beans maybe we'd be able to spare a bitty bit of fuel for transporting us to faraway and actually foreign places.

Zoo Recipes

So, when you go to the Louisiana swamp part of the Audubon Zoo in New Orleans, they have all the bayou animals, including this really cool alligator with leucism, which looks almost exactly like albinism except that your eyes aren't red and it's actually a completely different disease. If it survived Hurricane Katrina, you should really check this alligator out.

But anyway, they also have recipes on the walls mixed in with all the bayou animal tanks. Things like crawfish boil or crawfish étoufée. You read it and then there are the little crawfish crawling around (or doing whatever it is that they do). And that's the idea - posting recipes of the zoo animals above their cages. Ideally these would be recipes of people who had to subsist on these things in the wild.

You wouldn't want to encourage people to hunt endangered species and make like giant panda stew, but I think if you could get recipes or even just first hand stories of people interacting with these animals in the wild, it would make it that much more real to people, and you could get a sense of the whole ecosystem, rather than just looking at a miserable little guy in a box or pen.

Another corollary idea is this: you should really check out the Cajun section of the Audubon Zoo, because it's pretty bad ass - especially the white alligator, whose house is air conditioned, I might add.

Carnival

See, the problem is the goddamned Internet. Now that we can see everything so easily, nothing shocks us anymore. Which pretty much killed any hopes of the old school carnival oddities coming back. Which sucks.

So let's just all pretend. Let's pretend things are still bizarre and that they can't be reasonably explained. That way this carnival idea can return. We can all pay nickels and see weird shit and just geek out for a while.

No rides at this carnival. No games. Just a collection of bizarreness that moves from town to town and gets shown off by people in old timey clothes.

Bringing back the bayou

You know how when you're on Pirates of the Caribbean, that guy playing Yankee Doodle Dandy on the banjo is a little bit eerie, but also a little bit romantic? What I want is the existence of that in real life.

The Audubon Zoo in New Orleans has a special Cajun section complete with floating general stores, which leads me to believe that such things have existed in the past and therefore could exist again.

I know bayous are kind of infamous for their still water insects and dearth of forward-looking people, but let's say you could make it a place that was mostly pleasant, but maybe a tiny bit sinister to keep it romantic. It would be like a scene out of Dinotopia with a little Captain Jack Sparrow tossed in. At night there would be crickets in the mangrove trees and you'd hang lanterns across your houseboat so you could see in the pitch-blackness and people would paddle up to the floating bar to play music and listen to the stories of the guy passing through.

How great would that be as an artist retreat? You could fish or write or paint during the day and hang with the other artists at night, or not, for example. Something to take you out of your normal surroundings and be completely different for a while. And if you liked it, you could stay.

I don't know how you go about making that happen, but I still think it's a good idea.

Clock Management

I have no idea if this would work and be helpful or if it would just make things worse. But that's never been an idea not to suggest something.

What if for every task you enagaged in, whether it be paying bills or doing laundry or finishing a project at work you assigned yourself an amount of time allotted to finish said task? That sentence got long on me. Damn. Here's a shorter version: Budget time for everything you do. Like, with an actual scoreboard style clock.

I'm thinking that if you gave yourself twenty minutes to make dinner and had to be confronted with that time (the reason for using the big clock) then you might make better use of your time. You also might freak out like Herm Edwards or Mike Martz and make horrible, horrid decisions. But that all depends on what you're like under pressure. Are you cool as a cucumber? Or are you as hot and bothered as a cucumber left in the sun?

Now you're just picking a number so until you practiced a few times you might be way over or way under. But that's ok. You can adjust that later. This is about paying attention to how long things take you and staying focused on the task at hand.

It's a little bit like counting calories or following a budget. It's a way to train your mind to think about things a little differently. Is all. I'm saying.

Snow Golf

It's getting to be that season when white people drive for hours to be cold and to exercise. I think we should combine that very white activity with another very white activity: golf. See, if you paint the balls black (as former president Harry Truman used to do) then you could totally play in the snow.

This actually sounds pretty fun. It's really like a whole different game. I mean, you need to know how the ball will break on different kinds of snow (slushy, hard pakced, etc.) and then adjust for that. You'd have less hazards I guess but the overall game would be SO much more difficult that you probably wouldn't want hazards.

And now we have a new use for golf courses that go neglected in the winter.

Collective Works

One thing being at APE made me think about was artist collectives. I've always had these fantasties of motivated cooperative living with ART as LIFE printed in big letters somewhere at the backs of peoples' eyes or maybe even out somewhere in the open. But, you know, a lot of people don't want that. A lot of people wanna go home after a long day out in the world and cozy down with loved ones, or a book, or god-forbiden the television/internet. While I might still be pulling for the first one, I'll allow that some people wanna live in their own places and make all their own rules.

That said--and it was a mouthful--I'd like to see about a working artist (or whatever) co-op that was just like an office. You go in and do some work. You leave and return to your 'life'. I mean, I know this exists right? I'm sure every poetry journal and litzine and bicycle collective or whatever does this. People make time to get done with needs to get done. But I think I want to emphasize the way in which you construct this work project life. The office or gather place, a physical location, seems crucial. It gives the thing a physical reality. And I think too there is something to be had from creating that kind of work space, but for something really exciting and positive. Like I'd imagine newsrooms were in some fictional past without corruption and full of hope.

So yeah. Let's get a project and some cash and rent some office space. Do this shit up right.

Tattooed Thanks

This is, hardly shockingly, for people who really like tattoos or people who don't really like tattoos but are somehow really really brave and sure of themselves.

Tattoo movie-type credits onto your back. A giant list of your creators, supporters, lead actors (in your life). You could go endless ways with this really. I'm thinking mainly about the ways it could thank all the different people that help you be the person you are and want to be. (And hopefully none of them stop wanting to be that person to you when they realize that you're the type of person who would get a giant back tattoo of their friends' names...but maybe that's just them.) This seems like the type of thing that tattoo people like.

And how about inside jokes? Craft services provided by the 680 Denny's. Or...all special effect preformed by the actors themselves. Sound track by all of your favourite bands.

And then you could go around slowing standing from a crouched position behind tables and look like you're scrolling upward. Or you could not do that.

You could really not do any of this.

Thank you everyone who came to APE to support us, everyone who came to APE to sell stuff and make the world at least a tick more artistic, to my tablemates and my compatriot for doing all the work to get us there.

If it floats, you're a witch

We were at APE today, which was pretty rad. If you weren't, you should come and see us tomorrow.

As for the idea today, it's to build a boat. Well, not so much a boat, but something that might float you. No cheating and using inflatable stuff. I think you should do it for less than a $100 and I think you should get all the parts from Urban Ore or a similar salvage yard type place. Maybe you aren't lucky enough to have an Urban Ore where you live. Who am I to judge?

So yeah, get some planks or an old door and maybe something that could act as a pontoon. And something you can use as a rudder. You'll also need nails or rope or screws to attach everything together. I don't think this should count as part of your $100 though. I'm not evil.

You can even get a few friends together and have a competition. Like, who's boat sinks the least fastest. Or rephrase that to make sense.

Happy Halloween!

In honor of today's pagan holiday, I thought I'd relax my brain and just throw out some ideas for halloween costumes. I'll include pictures where I can.

This one is officially known as the "best costume ever".

I stole it from FilmDrunk in case you were wondering.

I'm tired of Mario and Luigi and would much rather see this pair.

Stolen from here.

If you're feeling really crafty you could try and be Killface...



..or his nemesis.



Personally, I'm tired of almost every kind of zombie, except for maybe a zombie cowboy or cowgirl. You could also go as one of your friends (which is what I'm doing). Maybe a victim from one of the "Saw" movies? How about a stormtrooper body, but the head of one of the characters from "Clerks"? That would be clever on at least one level. What about taking something entirely unslutty and making it slutty? Like... a slutty elephant or shark? You don't see too many people dressed up as the cast of Heroes. Which I hear is a popular show.

That's all I got for you. If you see of these, let me know, or better yet, take pictures and we'll put them up here.

Come see us at APE!

Related Search Terms

Sometimes I wonder if I'm using the right terms when I'm searching for something on Google. Like, I know what I'm after but I just can't seem to find it. But I feel like I'm on the right track and somewhere out there is an entire website dedicated to exactly what I want.

So how hard would it be to tell me what other terms I could possibly be using? Maybe terms other people used after using the ones I'm currently using. I don't need them to predict what I'm looking for like it is now, I just need some help when I can't find something. I think this would work. And be helpful.

In a slightly related story, one time me and some other contributors to this site used that live person search engine and tried to get them to find really obvious sites like ebay and amazon. It was kind of funny, but mostly they were nice and treated us like we'd actually never heard of ebay. So in the end we just were impressed with their patience.

Band of Brothers (or Sisters): A Social Contract

This is most assuredly a not for everyone type of post and likely a not for most people type of post.

Friends, good ones, should stick together. Friendship is more than like minded people rubbing elbows while in proximity. Friendship should construct proximity. Or at least that is how I tend to define it. And this take it a step further. This is perhaps intended for harsher times than these, but is also perhaps to say that for some people times are always harsh and they could use their friends.

The idea is for groups of friends to enter into compact to make decisions somewhat communally. I'm thinking most particularly about where to live and sort of how. So you and your college roommate think it would be neat to move to Seattle and try to pursue your rock band. But nine months in you're working at a coffee shop and he is at a tech firm and has met a girl and decides to move to Silicon Valley. And your stuck up in Seattle feeling shitty. What I'm purposing is that you decide, in pretty clear terms, when making such a decision in the first place, to continue making those sorts of decisions together, as a pair or as a group.

Of course people should only commit to such things if they are really willing to commit to such things. But I just have this sense that people are never explicit about these 'friendly' commitment and it often ends up in someone getting hurt or left behind. And sure part of it can be a 'pull your own weight' argument, where the coffee shop guy can be told that in order to continue on the terms of the contract, he has to get off his ass and do something a little more productive. It is a two way street. Just that it should be a clear street that a person can follow.

What I'm really getting at here and I'm sure this isn't obvious, that it is actually just my own sub-text, is the formation of mobile communities, groups of people who decide to move place to place together and to work communally to keep the members of the group as comfortable and happy as possible. Again, I'm always wanting to redefine the terms of community and to pull us away from the notion of the replication of the mother-father-child set-up that has been the only supported notion of primary community since at least the 50's (or so I hear). For me, that isn't enough and it does lead to bad things. We were never so insular. So let's make all those other connects more clear. And while we're at it, let's make them stronger.

Haunted Websites

We have haunted houses, so why not haunted websites?

There could be scary things that pop out at you as you naviagte around, though that's just one way to accomplish this. You could also create legends about people who went to the website and died and now haunt it. Or if you click on certain pages then you'll die, too. Scary!

I feel like a movie studio might do this to promote a crappy movie but that's stupid and I don't want them to.

I want a team of crafty writers to develop stories and then to have a bunch of talented designers put it together. Like, there's one portal site for all these different haunted sites (which are really just new sites made to look like real websites). Or maybe existing sites could volunteer to be haunted.

And maybe on one page you see a kid in a picture, but then it's gone when you go back to that page. Or at varying intervals the screen goes black and then comes back in a second.

Scared yet? No, not of me, of the website. Fine. Forget you then.

Want to sell more houses? Design them this way.

My man on the inside tells me that the housing market is slowing down. This is inside information though, so please don't go gabbing to everyone. But I hear that by adding value to the homes and the area around them, you can still move some product.

Things like schools and parks nearby are important but so are innovative features like solar panels and creative storage. People don't want the same old, same old.

So here's what I suggest: Secret rooms and passageways to add value. How cool would this be?!?! It would be great if you had kids, but even if you didn't I think most adults took some joy out of having a secret room or two. And because you'd be adding these features from the beginning you could save a lot of money. It's not like you'd need to do any remodelling. You'd just build it into the plans.

You could have rooms behind mirrors, stairs under carpets, etc.

This would be the greatest thing in the history of ever.

Mircro Economies

This idea is certainly not for everybody. But in price conscious times this might suit some people. And I think there are implications that are even more valuable than that.

Two parts: Get a good sense of your essential items that you always buy, use every day, aren't ever going to give up. Say, coffee, toilet paper, electricity for your house.

Now, part two isn't going to be something that you can do for each item, but perhaps something to consider for things that essential but also special (like coffee, not like toilet paper). Make a deal with your local coffee retailer or grocery where by you do some bit of work that pays for your coffee habit. (Obviously convinced a company that this is a good idea is the hard part.) Think of it like a co-op grocery, where you put in a little work and get a discount on your groceries. But instead it is exact change for a specific item. Maybe you go in and do four hours of work one Saturday a month and that funds your entire coffee habit.

I know this is completely counter intuitive to our economic system, but I'm not all that trusting of our economic system anyways. And I think it would be good to have a more direct connection between the items we buy and the work we do to get them. I mean, at least for a few things, so you can remember more generally that the work you do is in trade for something. Or maybe that's just me.

The Chamber Pit

There has to be a better toilet out there. I know this isn't my first toilet post and that might seem weird, but it is part of our everyday and I have no problem working on these problems.

Now I am thinking firstly about low environmental impact, meaning less water and no strange chemicals. And I'm also thinking about more easily fit into different rooms.

I sort of envisioned a porcelain hole in the ground that has a sort of hermetic plug over it. (That is, I think the whole water thing has a lot to do with the fact that toilets don't seal.) Perhaps there is some special kind of material that is best for this too, that doesn't allow anything to cling to it, such that a small amount of vacuum pressure when sealed could do all the transporting for you. Oh and I'm only thinking about this as sort of an augmenting object, adding to the availability of places to go to the bathroom in the house, as opposed to a complete replacement of the bathroom proper.

Anywho. Yup. I write these things.

Perfect QTip

Firstly I know QTip is a brand and not an object, but there you go, they win, I don't have a better word for it. But the irony of it is that I'm going write about that brand's downfall.

QTips are made for cleaning ears. And yes, other stuff too. But cleaning ears first and foremost. And yet, they strongly advise that you don't clean your ears with them. One assumes as a liability issue or if you're less cynical perhaps because they care about their product's potential danger to your inner ear.

It seems then, that any company that was able to devlop something that could clean your ears and be advertised at such would instantly dominate the market. Plus there has to be a better way of cleaning your ears. And please don't say anything about those chemicals that you pour in your ears and like makes things gush. No. Some wand like devices that swabs the ear w/o the danger of bursting through it.

Go to companies. Your golden chariots await.

The inside of chairs

I'm looking at a chair. Not a recliner and not a kitchen chair.

One of those more fancy looking ones with wood accents.

But underneath the cushion appears to be a large empty space that serves no purpose. And if you read this blog with any regularity you know we aren't a fan of useless spaces. Unless of course they're designed on purpose.

But why can't we throw a little storage box beneath the cushion? Seems easy. Maybe more expensive, sure, but what isn't expensive these days?

Eff it. I'm going to get a knife and and some wood and fix this damn chair myself. Gotta start somewhere.

The best hike ever

I've had this idea for a while now. I'm not quite sure where you could pull it off, but I would imagine it's possible along California's coast or somewhere in Europe.

The idea is to take a two week vacation and spend a few days hiking/ backpacking to a luxury resort and then stay there for a few days and then spend a few more days backpacking to another resort and so forth and so on until your vacation is over.

Sounds fun, right? Or you could spend a week in each instead of breaking it up every few days. I just think the contrast of each experience would really make you appreciate them both even more.

This might work best if it were organized by a tour company so you didn't have to do all the mapping yourself....though maybe that would be part of the fun.

And then again maybe this is one of those things that only I'm going to like.

Insulated coffee bladders

The thermos is so 1988. Can't we have a bladder that fits in a backpack (the exact same way it works for water) that is insulated enough to keep coffee hot? And then also start designing briefcases and laptop bags with more insulated and waterproof compartments? This way no one has to carry a thermos anymore but can still get their ridiculous coffee fix.

I say it'sridiculous because I think it's lame when I have to wait for you to drink six cups of coffee every morning because, "no one should even look at me until I've had my coffee" which you say with a stupid smile on your face. When drug addicts say the same thing about their drug of choice people tell them to go to rehab.

Make greeting cards yours

Hallmark is a powerful machine. And while they aren't the only ones, they're the face of the problem. Cards so specialized now. I hate it. Sometimes I really like a card but the recipient is not a 13 year old girl, nor is it his birthday.

My idea is to just buy it anyway. Screw getting the "right" card for the "right" occasion. You can always cross words out and add in your own thoughts and sentiments. And as the made of honor at my brother's wedding pointed out this means you can just buy cool cards whenever you see them. Is it for a 60th anniversary? Just get it. With a little Sharpie work you can make that card applicable for Christmas.

Giant long-term capture the flag

I can't take all the credit for this as some kids were playing it on an entire city block in Oakland. But they kind of got shut down which is actually pretty sad.

But I'd like to make it even bigger. The game would take place over an entire city and would span a couple of days or weeks. The way I see this working is to use some kind of GPS device as the flag. And make it so everyone could track the device online or with their phones. If you get tagged (which would be awesome because of the tracking and the whole being in public thing) then "jail" lasts for an entire day instead of you getting rescued. Maybe all the players should be GPS enabled, too?

There are probably some pretty serious rules that need to get established before you played it but this sounds super fun. I think a high-tech version of capture the flag on a huge scale would be epic.

Adult Obstacle Course

Goddamn I want to run an obstacle course. And a fun one. Not one of those military made of wood ones. One that has water features and shit being thrown/ shot at me. And I want to jump over things and bounce on trampolines.

Couldn't some amusement park add this and let me rent it out? I figure anyone who participates would need to sign their life away, but that's cool, it's worthless anyway.

So just take equal parts the Marines, Double Dare, inflatable bounce houses, and American Gladiators and we're good.

It's thoughts like this that make me wish I had an endless stream of money. Sure, I could give lots of it away to worthwhile causes, but also I could build a kick ass obstacle course.

The Wedding Series, part in your face:

Today is the day that sometimes poster to this site, Nate, and someday poster to this site, Alison, get married. Please join me in saying "yay" to the happy couple.

The wedding series has 6 ideas in it now and I thought it would be fitting to do another one in honor of Nalison as they are so cleverly reffered to by no one. I lobbied for Alithan but hey, what are you going to do?

The idea is to help anyone who got invited to the wedding learn the story about how the couple met. How? Through the magic of cinema, that's how. Basically you find some friends or a local acting class and write a little ten minute play/ movie with them. They act it out and film the whole thing. It could even be trailer length. It doesn't have to be super fancy or anything, I'm thinking like Swede level here. Or Max Fisher from Rushmore if you're more comfortable with that comparison. Again, not fancy. Fun and easy.

So you get married and then you show this video while pictures are being taken and everyone is bored. People drink and laugh and aren't bored. And they get all fired up for when you make your grand entrance. Huzzah!

Impressions during interviews

Not sure if this is really in line with the spirit of this site, but just once could someone interview Frank Caliendo without having him do some impressions? I mean, the guy might be interesting and even funny without pretending to be one of the many people he impersonates.

I think this could be extended to every impersonator really. It's like they're not even human. They're just a joke machine that the host or hosts feel obligated to laugh at. I know I've heard you say "Boom!" as John Madden about 4 billion times, but let me fake laugh for five minutes anyway.

My idea eliminates the fake laughter. And Frank (or impersonators in general) might feel a little more human.

That should be our tagline. Aught Empire...helping celebrities feel more human.

Shock gloves

I watch too much TV. And sadly, probably read too many comic books as a youth. And those things have led me to today's idea: shock gloves.

This would basically be tasers you wear on your hands. I'm thinking these would pretty much only have a law enforcement application. The thought being, you grab someone and they start to struggle and rather than have to tackle them, you shock them. Simple and quick. The glove would need to be made of a material that buffered you AND be nimble enough so you could grab stuff (like people). And there's a benefit because you wouldn't actually need to pull out or aim a taser. You just touch something. You'd be like a damn superhero.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's idea...rocket boots!

Wiki Book

This hardly an idea, more like two half ideas that already exist and I'm just sticking them together like glue. To be more precise with my metaphor the glue that sticks them together also probably erodes the essence of the two things being stuck together, but I'm into deforming things I guess.

Wikis are great cause they use as many people's knowledge as possible. And they create a sense of group editing that sort of prevents the project from collapsing into random knowledge. (In fact this is probably my least favourite thing about wikis, that whole unspoken sense of what is suited and what is not, but in this instance it is the source of it's power.)

Books are great too cause are so bound and definitive. They create limits on knowledge. They say, in the book good, out of the book not. Or something like that. What they do is close off the time element that makes a wiki always so close to collapse. With a wiki, one day that unspoken community of editors could go away and I could go on and edit everything. Deface it all until whatever was good in it is gone. With a book, only a jerk with a marker can to that and only to one copy at a time. 

So, make a wiki. Set a time limit. One year or whatever. And then print the fucker. Or you could even set a time limit but not tell anybody. So that there isn't this sense that you are working towards anything. Or you could even print the wiki multiple times. Like a once a year glimpse into what the wiki is and looks like. Has it grown? Shrunk? Become more tight or loose? Improved in grammar? All of these are interesting questions. And I'm not done with physical format words. So give em here.

Advanced Party Tricks

You know how everybody has that thing they can do that will wow and amaze captive audiences for a least 5 seconds at a time if said audience is inebriated enough? Well, that but much much better.

I feel like I'm probably to exclusively--for the time being--write ideas to prepare you for the oncoming 2nd Fabulous Depression, things like "How to build your own shanty," and "How to get elected mayor of your own shantytown," or simply "Navigating shantytown politics for beginners: Making your shantytown government work for you". So expect that.

Today's version is to think of something (and perfect it) that you can do that amuses, entertains or fascinates people...that you could potentially do for money. This is for early on in the new depression era when people still have enough money for entertainment spending. Eventually you'll have to learn a real tradeable skill like cobbling. But for now work on that particular thing that makes people who walk by a little happier, a little more pleased that the world can still have some entertaining magic to it.

And if the world isn't collapsing, then you'll just be really good at it for the upcoming 'we're not all going to be homeless' celebrations.

We had a pretty hefty run on politics last week, didn't we? I'm glad I didn't, but I was considering making suggestions as to what I thought you should vote for and against. I gave up that dream when I remembered no one reads this site and everyone would probably just agree with me anyway.

The idea for today is to go backpacking. Like, right now. Or at least in the next few weeks. It's the absolute most perfect time to backpack along the coast of California and if you don't live somewhere that has hurricanes it's probably a decent time to do it wherver you are.

There's less people, cooler weather, and a lot of the camping supply places are having sales. What's not to love?

Taxi Gift Cards

I had no idea the world needed these...but I think it does. Taxi gift cards are for people who go out and have a hard time not spending all their money. You buy one of these in advance of a night out and that way, no matter how out of hand things get, you've got money so you can get home.

I think these would be particularly helpful for bar nights and strip clubs. I hear you can burn through cash pretty quickly at those places.

Useful Education

I was thinking about basic health the other day. And how there have always been wives tale cures for things. But now, in the modern world of health care most of that seems to be discredited, or at least undervalued. But in reality the point was always about knowing something about yourself, or being able to provide for yourself. Don't you think current medical science could lend a hand with that and provide people more knowledge about how to do basic home diagnosis? Is it simply that we don't trust people with that knowledge?

So that's where this started off. And spinning out of that premise I thought we really should have some really basic functional human things taught to us in public school while we're young. Basic home remedies and like understanding how your own body works (nutrition as well) should be a start for that. But also things like basic first aid and like home skills and stuff. I know school is supposed to develop higher level things than all that, but really? People aren't learning these things, so who is going to teach them if not schools?

I think much of this could be done as a basis in elementary school, where the primary education is in basic concepts and socialization. And I happen to think that being a functional self-sufficient human is a basic aspect of good socialization.

I mean, a lot of what I'm talking about is taught through programs adjacent to schools like Boy Scouts and, I don't know, on soccer teams and stuff. But wouldn't it be nice if you could learn to manage a simple fever or a couple cuts without having to learn about God in the process? And don't we think that stuff is valuable.

Also I sort of feel like with the world crumbling around us it might be nice to have some basic survival skills for the madmax-esque future that is growing closer every day.

Rails!

Sadly I must admit that is hardly an idea, but:

Vote for the high speed train in CA!

(Still with the politics here.)

In reality this is (or seems like) an fantastic idea, it just happens not to be mine (neither the voting nor the idea proper). I do, however, fully support train travel.

When I first heard about the high speed train it seemed (and it still sort of does) like a beautiful fiction that wouldn't ever happen in my life time. And that is sad. I should think that such things are possible. I should be hopeful about the state of the world. And so should we all (despite all appearances otherwise).

So vote for that train. It'll be like the late 19th century again. Sometimes you just need sturdy metaphors to stand on. You know?

Life your life all alone

I'm not saying you should do this. Or me, for that matter. But maybe one of those kooky documentarians could pull it off for us?

The ground rules would have to be slightly liberal. I mean, I don't want to know what a shut in does all day (ok, I kind of do. But not for this particular project). I'd just like to know what it would do to someone if they developed and maintained zero personal relationships for a year. You'd have to change up your shopping and living habits. Maybe you'd need to travel to avoid seeing the same people? There'd be no email or social networking. No online video games.

You might die. I don't really know. But it would be interesting. I think you'd really get a sense of the value that even those little exchanges have on us. And how important it is to have friends and family, even if those relationships aren't the greatest thing ever.

Don't vote if you don't want to

Continuing our very out of the ordinary run of politically themed posts (to be expected right now I suppose) I will urge you to make your own conscious, thoughtful decision about voting. EG, you do not have to vote.

This comes from a special place in my heart (read: rage) that absolutely hates people telling you you have to vote. It is not a duty. Certainly there are many and various compelling reasons to vote. I certainly am in favour of voting for people who believe in the political process or want to effect change in the world through the political process regardless of the sense of impact. (I've never been particularly compelled by the argument that your vote doesn't count for much, it does still count and therefore matter.)

Here are a couple of highlights from my thinking about this:

Most people I know live here out of happenstance. I can't accept that that qualifies one as having accepted a social contract, nor to I believe that having utilized such public goods as roads and parks counts as having accepted this same social contract. Especially considering a time when the relative youth of the person keeps them from asserting their choice (EG they are in a stroller and can't escape).

• This argument is similar to the "he died for your sins" one. 1) I didn't ask for that and 2) I don't believe in sins under that definition. And therefore, doesn't apply to me.
• I also don't like the argument that says "you should be grateful you have that, I really want that" addressed by those who aren't officially citizens. I also really want them to have that right, but that says nothing about the necessity of my choosing to join up with a system I don't believe.
• One of the supports I pull up for my argument is that it is actually very difficult to leave this country as your nationality (that is, your freedom here doesn't really include the freedom to leave). You have to get another country to accept you which tends to rely heavily on that amount of money you have or the individual value you can bring to that nation. All this amounts to the fact that if you didn't choose initially to be here they don't make it easy for you to choose to be anywhere else.
  

None of this is to say that you shouldn't vote. Only that you should never feel compelled to vote. Vote because you want to and because you think it'll make a difference and because you believe that that is how you participate in your social world.

I will, however, be voting this year. For gay marriage, high speed trains and people who appear to me to be intelligent.

Run for Office

My esteemed partner posted an idea recently about running for an office with no money for a campaign. My idea, suggested by a dear friend, is simpler and a little more basic: just run for office.

Yup. You. On whatever platform you want. Just go through the experience of signing up and campaigning and seeing what happens. You could take traditional stances on the key issues or take some present some really radical options. Speak in public. Make appearances. Write letters. Campaign in an unconventional way or buy a book and do it the same way everyone else does.

I think you'd gain a lot from an experience like that. Maybe you'd be more or less tolerant of mistakes people make during a campaign. Maybe you'd understand how someone can feel worn down and mail in or skip the things they know are important. Who knows what would come out of it. But I bet something would.

Or you could just watch episodes of the Wire where Carcetti is running for a mayor. I bet it's a lot like that.

My Computer

Sean had to hear me blathering on about my ideal computer already today. So hopefully he won't read this.

Basically I want an iPhone the size of a book. A tablet computer with fancy touch screen capabilities. I mean, 1) would be an ideal ereader device, but finally one that has another purpose. I'm purposing that people generally like and are used to the size and shape of books. Most bags fit them, they tend to be light enough.

2) A larger size would pretty well solve the only irrating thing about the onscreen keyboard on the iPhone. I don't think that it is the fact that the keyboard is onscreen that really bugs people, but that the letters are too close together to really be easy to punch accurately and quickly. Solved.

3) Same size thing can be said about viewing web pages. The iPhone deals with it well, but imagine the extended realestate and how much better that would be. Smaller than a normal computer, yes, but just about right for anything you're attempting to really read (like a book, see).

4) I'd add a stylus for active note taking. While the iPhone touch capabilities have made this unecessary for basic usuage there is still a good point to having it for being able to jot notes down quickly. I think the technology for script recognition is defininately there and I think this is one of the big inferface issues left to deal with. People want something that has many different ways to interact with, all of which are the ones that we're used to dealing with. Typing is essential, but so is a couple quick strokes of a pen. I don't think people are really willing to give up either option. This will also make the computer essentially a writing tablet when you want it to be, thus making it ideal for meetings, classes and things where punch away at a computer is still considered indecent.

I'm pretty sure I just invented the ideal computer. The only thing I can think of that is wrong with it is that I'm not sure anyone would be willing to put something booksized up to their ear and call it a phone. But people I'm misjudging. I thought it was weird that people accepted the first hunking smart phones when smaller options with less function were available. But people do tend to follow function.

I sez these are esstential functions. Get to it peoples. Apple...I'm looking at you.

The No Money Candidate

A rare foray into politics. I promise to limit myself only to optimism about things I know nothing actually of.

A candidate runs for an office without fundraising or putting up any real money of their own (apart from some of the simple stuff like filing fees and the like, just no ads and what not). This becomes there stitch. First of all, I'm saying start small, local government. Go places that want to hear you speak about ideas, post some info online. Don't advertise. But also don't be afraid of or avoid coverage. Convince people and papers and whatever other organs of media to pay attention and they'll start paying attention. Eventually people might come out to see you speak in droves. And then the media will follow. Do it nice and pretty like. Clean and simple.

I feel like something this solid ideologically could have feul behind it. I mean, it isn't the complete avoidance of money or anything. It is just against the idea that a modern compaign is all about money. Sure somebody might wanna buy the volunteers lunch, or even pay the nice fellow who ends up doing all your PA work for you. But none of that should create a system that is so dependent on these concrete funds.

I think, given a certain amount of pragmatism (that amount, granted, is quite small) you could put online (see my honeymoon registery idea) the things the need paying for in your compaign. And people could specifically give money to that item. EG people would contribute money to a specific necessity and not a compaign in general. I mean, I don't want to help fund attack ads. But maybe I do want to fund the electicity bill for cost of running the speakers at a large compaign ralley.

Maybe it's silly. Maybe it is how we'll make a third party that sticks. Ha. But yeah. Still.

Computer screen desks

It would be cool if every school in the world could have the desks I'm about to tell you about. But probably they can't. Sorry. Still though, no one can have them if we don't make the first one, right?

So this magical desk looks like a regular school desk. Only the actual writing surface is a computer screen covered by some intense plastic. The screen is totally sealed off and no amount of liquids or arm grease or sharp objects jammed towards it is ever going to reach that precious monitor. But the whole thing does tilt up and rotate. And there would be storage underneath it where the actual computer and a wireless keyboard are stored. So yeah, basically you've got a desk and a computer all in one.

It makes for an easy transition from a lecture to a computer lesson.

I just saved some space. Which means we can cram like 50 more kids in this classroom. Let's do it.

Baseball Playoffs Sex Game

Mom, don't read this one.

Hey, are you in a relationship? Do you like sex and have a passing interest in baseball? Then this might be for you.

Take 8 sexual situations, moves, scenarios, or devices and write them on a slip of paper. Then put them in a hat. Now go down the list of MLB playoff teams and draw one slip of paper to correspond with each team. So now each team has a sexual value. The Dodgers are a striptease, the Rays are oral sex, Boston is anal, etc. (Note: These should all be fun things you're ok with doing. But they should also be a little out of the ordinary.)

So everyday, there's going to be a couple of winning teams. Like, yesterday, Phillie won. And so did the Cubs. And Boston. So now you and your partner have to do all of the sexual things that correspond with each team. And the next day it'll be something different. And different the next day. It could be fun. And hell, it's sex, all I'm doing is encouraging you to have more of it. You're welcome.

BONUS IDEA: You could also do this weekly with the NFL schedule. I mean, on most Sundays there are like 13 games. That's 13 things you get to do to each other! And think about the ridiculous combinations that would come up. Hot.